Advanced followers?

There is a category of advanced follower that I have problems with. The movement leads that are being read quite well by all intermediate ++ dancers, suddenly seem to go nowhere. She will stop in the middle of a movement that normally proceeds with no problem, and I get this "I don't know what I want me to do" attitude. Now, I realize that it is much better to stop and wait for a clear lead than trying to "guess" what the leader wants. I am the first one to explain that to beginners, but I *know* that in this case my leads pose no problem for just about every follower I dance with. I don't consider myself "advanced" but I have been dancing in classes and milongas for a full year almost every night of the week, so I have had enough experience and positive feedback to know that I have the basics down.

So, what is this about? The result for me is that I feel thrown back to complete beginner mode, and my dancing is just about paralized. Forget "musicality" and all the good stuff. As I try to puzzle out why I am suddenly speaking a "foreign language" , neither one of us has any fun at all, and of course I quickly get the killer "thank you".

The "stopping thing" is perfectly appropriate. especially in a class context, but even in a milonga if the lead is truly unclear, but here is my puzzlement. Let me explain it again with a cute story. I am Italian and I tried to speak exclusively Italian with my son from the time he was born (in this country). Of course he was also learning English from his mom and everyone else. One way I kept him on track was to act like I did not understand him when he spoke English with me. Well, by the time he was three he picked up on tha fact that I seemed to understand English perfectly well when his mom and everyone else spoke it... so he called my bluff.... and he was only three. From that point on, unfortunately, he refused to speak Italian.

Now I find myself in a similar situation as my son. I dance almost every night of the week and I can count at least 60 followers I dance with regularly, all of whom seem perfectly happy with my lead, or, at least, seem to read my intention with no problem. Then I ask one new person, and all of a sudden my lead is "unreadable". As my son noticed at three years of age ... there is something peculiar going on here.

It is possible that some followers have such a repertoir of moves that any lack of "precision" on my part will cause confusion. But here is what I think is really happening. I am not the "teacher level" caliber she was hoping or expecting and she lets me know it ... by making me feel like I don't know what I am doing... thus making sure I will not ask her again to dance. Unfortunately the strategy works very well, because I will certainly stay clear of her after that experience, but I also don't ask other dancers after I realize that I am not at their level, unless they really make eye contact with me and seem happy to be asked to dance.

What I am really getting at here is that it's OK to say no, and to choose to dance at whatever level you feel entitled to, but it's not OK to make someone feel like a complete fool so he won't ask you again. Fortunately I have only experienced this two or three times out of a full year of happy dancing, so I shouldn't complain, but I guess it has bothered me a lot.