In a box

During my first 2 or 3 years of tango I felt I was improving about as fast as anybody could. I am still taking classes and occasional workshops, and, slowly, new figures are added to my repertoire, although I worry most about musicality, connection and style. However, somehow I am feeling "boxed in".

I feel lucky that there are quite a few good dancers who always seem very happy to dance with me, but there are still some who don't and they trigger in me the simple question "what is it about my dancing that makes them avoid me"? I know that I shouldn't be asking that. They may simply be looking for specific people they want to dance with, or I have developed a style they simply don't like. I feel I can accept anything, but I would love to know what it is.

Ney Melo once said in a post that he was "grateful" for all the followers who turned him down while he was growing as a dancer, because that kept him wanting to improve. I have tried to adopt the same attitude, but I find it frustrating not to know in which direction to go.  By "boxed in" I mean that I feel I have been put in a box by some dancers. This is the box defined by what, in their eyes, is my level of dancing, and a box I am not allowed to escape. Luciana Valle, another teacher from Argentina who periodically shows up in SF to teach very popular workshops, once spoke about the followers' dreaded "plateau", where they have reached a good level, but they feel stuck and seemingly unable to progress. My feeling is somewhat similar, except that I do feel I am still improving, but with no discernible effect on my "official status" as dancer.

Luckily I can experience escaping from the box every time I travel to some other city. There I enter milongas as a complete unknown and I seem to quickly be accepted by the best dancers. Maybe it's the "San Francisco aura" but I am finding the dichotomy confusing. It's also frustrating for me to realize that I had the same basic questions a couple of years ago, when I first started feeling pretty good about my dancing. So, I am finding, even years of dancing don't seem to make much difference after the initial progress. Maybe the analogy is like heading out into the ocean on a boat. When you leave the shore, you see yourself quickly getting far from the beach, but after a while the shore is far away and you feel stuck in the middle of the ocean with no visible progress towards your destination. You need to have faith in the fact that you are still moving.

Maybe the box I am stuck in is moving, just like the boat, but I am not noticing it. Will I ever see the other shore? What will it look like when I see it?

Who is qualified to teach?

We are all on a continuum.  If you "know more" than someone else you "can" teach it, by definition. At the same you can (and should) continue learning. However knowing "more" is only one of the prerequisites for the "ability" to teach, and the questions remain: how much "more" is wise or safe, what is the essence of the "ability" to teach and how does one acquire it.

My experiences in teaching (NOT tango) have been many and varied, and ALL have been extremely worthwhile both for me and the students (that's the feedback I got anyhow). I  started by being a "reader" for a physics class in college. That meant that I corrected and graded physics homework. I had only "written contact" with the students, but I learned a tremendous amount, and the experience made me do real well in my entry exam for grad school.

In grad school I was a TA (teaching assistant). The professor taught the class and  led the "lab hour".  It turned out that the professor, who undoubtedly knew a lot "more" than I did, had a very strong foreign accent and the students had real problems understanding her and the concepts being taught. So I would spend most of the lab hour re-teaching what the professor had (supposedly) taught previously. I also developed a very dynamic and entertaining teaching style to drive home important points, like jumping on tables, and asking them to move in specific ways so that they would later remember the concepts. Nobody had "taught me" these techniques, but the students loved them and they did generally very well in the tests. Also I got official praise by the department.  Again, I learned a tremendous amount about the subject matter as well.

At NASA with a PhD in Biophysics I found myself having to work more and more in Computer Science and Artificial Intelligence. I could have (and some would argue "should have" gone back to school to get a degree in Computer Science). I chose instead to go to local universities (SF State, and UC Berkeley) and offer to teach classes in specific areas I was interested in and where I was starting to gain some expertise.
They gave me teaching slots where at first I was able to stay only 2 or 3 lectures "ahead" of the students... but, man did I learn fast! The motivation not to appear as a fool in front of the class and a genuine desire to explain the concepts made me really understand what I was talking about, and I did really well both as a teacher and back at NASA where my expertise became recognized even more. Was I originally "qualified" to teach? I am sure that one could have argued I was not.

Now back to tango. I recognize that in kinesthetic learning the teacher has to have the "concept" in his/her muscle memory, so one couldn't get away with learning it the night before to be able to teach it to a class, but how long is long enough to get a student started? 6 months? 2 years? 5 years? 10 years? It depends on the movement to be taught, and it depends on the ability of the teacher to do it AND to actually teach it, as the two skills are different. Everybody can see the first, but the second is a lot harder to evaluate unless one takes the class. I have often learned more from less "renowned" teachers than from those who are known fort their performances. Sometimes the best performers have a hard time breaking down the move for beginners, but are very good at teaching other teachers or very advanced dancers.

So who is "qualified" to teach? Almost invariably, when someone "makes it official" that they will teach a class or a pre-milonga, many dancers who know them will groan and make sarcastic remarks about their readiness to do the job. I confess that I have had the same reaction in some cases, but I suspect that some of this stems for subtle envy for the courage these people have had to put themselves out there. "Courage or naivete?" some would say. Who cares?  I am glad that there is no "tango police" out there hauling away the bad performers, and "unqualified teachers". We are a dance marketplace where people have the chance and the right to sell their goods. Different people have different skills to offer, or none, as the case may be. Let the market decide. In this I am for extreme unregulated capitalism. Students will figure out who is good for them. Fortunately we don't do back flips in tango, so nobody gets hurt. Eventually one figures out that the 8 count basic taught by Johnny Newbeteach doesn't look quite the same as that taught by Gavito. So what? We can always go back and hone our style with new teachers of choice. But what about "bad habits"? ALL of dance is a continuous struggle to modify old habits... and ultimately somebody's "bad habit" becomes sombody else's "new stylistic decision".
That's how dance evolves.

There is a prayer attributed to St. Francis of Assisi, that says (paraphrased): "God, give me the power to change the things I can change, the patience to endure the ones I can't change, and the wisdom to know the difference". For the tango student (i.e. everybody), it should be "give me the power to select the teacher who will be good for me, the foresight to avoid the one who will waste my money, and the wisdom to know the difference...".  Most of all let's not forget that it's all for fun... right?

Between solitude and commitment

I was asked to comment on a quote by Sonia Abadi translated from Spanish by Chelsea Eng:  "The human species, and most especially the race that frequents the milonga, waffles between two equally terrifying fears: the fear of solitude and the fear of commitment".

My immediate reaction to this quote is that it reflects more the woman's experience (in the customary non-initiating follower mode)  in tango than the man's. The reason is that the woman is faced with the choice of saying "no" and wondering if and when she'll be asked again (fear of solitude) and saying "yes" and being stuck in a long tanda with a less than desirable partner (fear of commitment). As a man I have the "advantage" of the choice, so less "fear of the commitment" part, and no particular fear of "solitude" as I can easily move on to another follower with a pretty good chance of acceptance.

How the quote resonates with me, however, is more in the often stated concept that "tango is a metaphor for life". In life, it is in fact more often than not the man who is afraid of commitment... certainly because life's "tandas" can last a life-time... in fact they are "expected" to do so. Of course there are plenty of exceptions to these stereotypical modes, but society has traditionally put more pressure on women to avoid "solitude".

I found two more ways in which the life metaphor is even deeper. One is the fear of judgment and rejection. In life we are judged and included or excluded by people for a number of complex reasons, but we learn to navigate this complex social web in ways that usually shield us from blatant and direct rejection. Rules of politeness and a certain amount of self-deception contribute to maintaining our mental sanity. In tango, the "rejection" is out there and plain for all to see. You either sit there the whole night with nobody asking, or you ask and get turned down, or you scan the room for a cabeceo, and nobody looks your way. There is nothing in between. As in life, we need to be able to accept, figure out if there is anything we can do, and, in any case, move on with our ego intact.

A second deep metaphor is the connection. In fact I even hesitate to call it a metaphor, as the connection, seemingly an obvious metaphor for a relationship, often seems to become the start, and the barometer of the real relationship itself. I have sometimes felt the flows and ebbs of a relationship reflected in my connection with my partner, and just like in real relationships there is disagreement about feelings and their mutuality so there is sometimes disagreement about how "good" the connection was.

The connection as both reality and metaphor brings me back to the starting quote and the realization that "fear motivated waffle" goes beyond rejecting, or committing to, a tanda, but it may be reflected in the embrace and connection itself.  I instantly feel it when the follower is committed to a connection and when she isn't. What I don't know is why, and it hadn't occurred to me until now that  it might go beyond her wondering whether she can trust me or not as a dancer. She may be wondering whether she is ready to tap into deeper feelings and commit to accepting them and their impact on her soul, even if for just a tanda, or let herself be simply led through ochos, boleos and figures without any lasting mark.

Yes, for committed tanguero/as both these extremes bring their own brand of special "terror".

Tango in Milan and Modena

The main link for Milan's tango was this:
http://milongheamilano.blogspot.com/

I managed to go to these venues:

Wed 6/2 Caffe' Caribe,  Very nice venue lounge style, but large floor with bar. Traditional tango. Good level.

Fri 6/4 Comuna Baires. "performance in the round" place  for theater events; separate eating area with large tables. Projection screen. Cool place, but crowded and "messy floorcraft".

Sat 6/5 Modena:  Circolo Gardel (via Ungheria 2). Nice industrial place. Dinner included outside the place after class. Made good people connections. Great place.

Sun 6/7 Sentimento Gaucho (back in Milan) - Gorgeous large classical hall.  Lots of room to dance and made good connections. Unfortunately I forgot to take pictures while people were dancing.

Mon 6/8 Comuna Baires: this time "tango nuevo"  ... (see pics above).  Unfortunately the music was very mixed and disorganized.  I don't have problems dancing to non-traditional music, but in this case
it really came out "at random" fast, slow, completely different moods, no tandas of any kind. I found it hard to focus and dance at my best.

Thu 6/10 La Casa del Tango,  also in the nice "Navigli" area.  This was a restaurant with a nice dance and bar area upstairs. Somehow the dancing level seemed lower than in the other venues, or I was simply very unlucky.  My first three partners told me they were "beginners" ... and they were. Finally I recognized a lady from "Sentimento Gaucho" and had a good dance.  I am sure I could have had a good time with more time to know the dancers, but unfortunately I had to leave early.

Overall dancing in Milan (amd Modena) was just great. I can't wait for my next visit.

Returning to the Cabeceo

 I have written in the past about pros and cons of the Cabeceo (see "The Dark Side of the Cabeseo"). In essence I don't like the fact that this "playing around" with, and control of, one's gaze gets in the way of simply making eye contact with friends, smiling at them etc. without regard of whether you intend to dance with them or not. I still don't like this aspect of this mainly Argentinian custom, but lately I have decided, at least for a while, as a test, to rely entirely on the cabeceo to find my dance partners.

The main reason for this decisions is that I have come to realize that many followers feel "compelled" to accept a direct invitation to dance (just like I do when a follower asks me),  and the result of this is that sometimes I get dances where my partner is uncommitted and "absent". When this happens, my own dancing suffers and I politely drag my way to the end of the tanda with no great fun, even when my partner is a good dancer.

With the cabeceo at least I have a better chance at a dance where my partner is committed, and fortunately there are enough of them around to make for fine evenings where I hardly have a chance to sit down.  But... I already see a problem looming at the horizon, and that is that most people end up stuck in their comfort zone of people they know and like to dance with. As a result they seldom let "someone new" in.  Ok, but for now I'll stick with my test.  Btw, motivated by a brief funny discussion on the Cabeceo that happened on Facebook a short time ago, Zeycan made this very funny and pointed video.... enjoy!