I have written in the past about pros and cons of the Cabeceo (see "The Dark Side of the Cabeseo"). In essence I don't like the fact that this "playing around" with, and control of, one's gaze gets in the way of simply making eye contact with friends, smiling at them etc. without regard of whether you intend to dance with them or not. I still don't like this aspect of this mainly Argentinian custom, but lately I have decided, at least for a while, as a test, to rely entirely on the cabeceo to find my dance partners.
The main reason for this decisions is that I have come to realize that many followers feel "compelled" to accept a direct invitation to dance (just like I do when a follower asks me), and the result of this is that sometimes I get dances where my partner is uncommitted and "absent". When this happens, my own dancing suffers and I politely drag my way to the end of the tanda with no great fun, even when my partner is a good dancer.
With the cabeceo at least I have a better chance at a dance where my partner is committed, and fortunately there are enough of them around to make for fine evenings where I hardly have a chance to sit down. But... I already see a problem looming at the horizon, and that is that most people end up stuck in their comfort zone of people they know and like to dance with. As a result they seldom let "someone new" in. Ok, but for now I'll stick with my test. Btw, motivated by a brief funny discussion on the Cabeceo that happened on Facebook a short time ago, Zeycan made this very funny and pointed video.... enjoy!
December 1-4 LV Weekend Workshops in St. Paul, Minnesota
-
*Friday, December 1, 2023*
*Luciana Valle Weekend St. Paul, Minnesota (Triune Temple)*
*Workshop #1: Dynamic Walking, Axis & Embrace*
This class woul...
4 months ago
2 comments:
Since I have lived in BsAs for the past 11 years, I support the cabeceo because it works. I don't greet men when I enter a milonga because it may be construed as interest in dancing with them. I do not wish to obligate anyone. The tradition is no more than a nod to acknowledge someone, not all the kissing and hugging that goes on.
I decline any direct verbal invitations at my table from men with whom I have never danced. A code of the milongueros is never approach a woman at her table to talk or extend an invitation to dance.
The cabeceo and acknowledgement is a mutual agreement. Of course, we want to dance with good dancers who are known quantities rather than untested ones who can be disappointments.
If a man is afraid of rejection, then he has to use the cabeceo.
I feel that the "no greeting" tradition you speak about is a bit extreme, and I am glad about all the kissing and hugging that goes on here in SF. I will acknowledge and greet friends without feeling obligated to dance with them later.
W/r to using the cabeceo for fear of rejection, that may be true for some, but my point here is that I feel that with the cabeceo the follower is much more likely to really be interested in dancing with me, and that's what I want. I would in fact prefer a rejection to a half hearted commitment to a tanda. So it's more "fear of non-rejection" than "fear on rejection" for me...
Post a Comment