There are only a few people at the milonga and almost everybody seems to be advanced. I ask a dancer I have never danced with and we start with the usual close embrace. I start moving very small and very slowly to understand how we can move together and she moves immediately to an open embrace. She senses that I am surprised and unhappy about the change and says "it's good to practice open embrace once in a while". I tell her that it's fine if she wants to stop the dance. She says "no, it's fine" and that she might feel comfortable enough for close embrace later on.
In the past I have always accepted this situation, but something rebels in me this time. I feel that I am being told that I am not good enough to dance with her, even before getting started, and by going to the open embrace I feel limited in what I can do with my dance. "You are not good enough for me and I am going to make it even harder for you to prove me wrong" this is what I am hearing today, and I feel I can't keep dancing. At the end of the dance I thank her and leave without ending the tanda.
I have been working too hard at tango to feel that I cannot give it my best. This is particularly true when leaders are always put in a position to "prove themselves". Maybe I was wrong in leaving the dance, but I needed to make that statement, at least to myself.
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7 years ago
1 comment:
No, you are not wrong to stop dancing. It is the woman's prerogative to choose the embrace, but you do not have to like her choice. If you do not enjoy the dance and neither does she, then there is not much sense in continuing.
You mention that you started dancing with her in a small and slow way. Could she have misunderstood your intention for being tentative and uncomfortable in close embrace? It is not easy to lead a small step so that it feels clear and crisp and not like shuffling. It is also not easy to lead a slow step with a constant sense of motion so that it does not feel hesitant. You might have set yourself up for a difficult task by starting in that way. It is best, I think, to begin dancing with a new partner by embracing her warmly and walking confidently to the compás.
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