It would seem that the cabaseo is the easiest way to ask for dancing while avoiding rejection or awkward half-hearted acceptance, but I have been growing increasingly uncomfortable with its effect on my feelings for some dancers I considered to be friends at some point.
The problem is that once a dancer has decided that you are not on their list of favorite partners, s/he will avoid making eye contact with you. That would not be a big deal for a few milongas, but when that lasts for months, one feels "shunned" and non-existent for some portions of the social scene.
I find myself contending with a range of feelings in this regard. For one thing I am not the same dancer I was a few months ago and in some (most) cases I have no idea what "went wrong". I realize that there are a lot of issues related to whether and why one clicks with a partner or not, but I would really love to have the opportunity to try again... at least once in a long while. So I find myself tired of my "non-existence" and increasingly angry at the "shunners". After months of looking their way only to see their gaze averted I have now decided to become the shunner and to make sure they realize I don't have the slightest intention to make eye contact with them. I don't like to play that game, but I am tired of feeling like I am "begging" for a glance and a nod.
I suspect it will all sort itself out with people knowing who their favorite and acceptable partners are. The problem is when one is in "transition" and would like to have an occasional chance to dance with new (or "newly new") more advanced partners... I guess one just needs to go up and ask ... and accept the likely rejection.
December 1-4 LV Weekend Workshops in St. Paul, Minnesota
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*Friday, December 1, 2023*
*Luciana Valle Weekend St. Paul, Minnesota (Triune Temple)*
*Workshop #1: Dynamic Walking, Axis & Embrace*
This class woul...
4 months ago
4 comments:
I think being in classes that followers you'd like to dance with take could help your case. Then you rotate into them in class, there is your chance to show your improved abilities. After that they will be more likely to give you a chance on the floor.
Good point... Unfortunately these dancers tend not to show up in classes (they are SOO good already!) and, when they do, they will usually stick with a partner and avoid the rotation...
But, hey, they are entitled to "their" tango...
maybe your staring makes them feel uncomfortable... it should be fairly short... it shouldn't look like you are trying to turn them into zombies with your eyes... or you shouldn't look like a zombie yourself staring at them non-stop... lol
and maybe sometimes ignoring them is also good... the forbidden fruit is the tastiest after all... but if you make them feel like they can get to dance with you any time, they lose interest... they might even begin to think that you will dance with anyone any time, and to any music.... and in big milongas, that drops your value as a dancer (people watch everything and everyone... people see and notice)...
but don't set yourself so negatively against them... this revengeful attitude wont get you far in the milongas.
from my experience... if that person really really wants to dance with you, he will get himself together, and walk up to you and ask you to dance if he cant catch your eyes, even when he is running the risk of being publicly rejected.
and don't make a desperate face... its a turn off... smile a lot... in the worst case, pretend to have a great time chatting with the girls about nothing or shoes, or laugh at some jokes... that will make you appear more charismatic!
I realize this post is old, but I stumbled on it when I was researching cabaseo.
Maybe it should just be okay for someone to not want to dance with you, even if you don't know the reason. Do you want to dance with someone who doesn't want to dance with you? I've always thought it was the respectful thing to not take it personally when someone says (even nonverbally) that they don't want to dance with you.
Sometimes someone repeatedly asking me to dance (even through cabaseo) when I've said no every time for another reason is enough of a reason for me to say no in the future.
If you have some kind of personal interaction with the person, you could ask what's up and let them know you'd like another chance. Otherwise, just let it go. You'll have more enjoyable dances with people who you don't have to convince to dance with you.
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