Just for kicks...

The background: Jenny (not her real name) is one of my favorite teachers - although I haven't taken a class with her for a while - and she is the only teacher who has so far refused to dance with me. A few nights ago my partner and I are dancing in a Milonga. I lead a pivoting turn for her where I take small steps backwards around her axis. My feet suddenly "meet" another pair of feet behind me. I stop and apologize as customary. Jenny and Ted (not his real name) are the dancers I collided with... Nobody seems to be hurt, but Jenny gives me the unmistakable glare of "blame". Later in the evening, as she dishes out pieces of birthday cake she mutters to me that I need to take small steps when I go backwards. I am a bit surprised by her remark in a social setting, but I ignore it, smile, and go off to eat my cake.

A few days later Jenny announces that she plans to start a new Practica on a week night when I know there are already two competing Milongas. I feel compelled to send her an email reminding her of these events and suggesting that perhaps a different night would be better.

Her answer to my email really floors me... She says she is "sorry" but this is the only night available (I can certainly accept that) and in any case it's a practica and (get this) there are dancers out there who go to Milongas "kicking people around" and who should be practicing instead...

This was my answer to her email:

No need to be "sorry" Jenny. I was not asking for a personal favor. I thought I was doing you a favor by letting you know what is going on (from a dancer's perspective). My desire is to support your teaching, your milongas and your practicas ... whenever you choose to have them.

(About your "kicking" remark) having recently "kicked" you (or Ted - I am not sure), I
cannot help thinking that this remark is meant to be personal. So I will need to say a few things.

1. I will grant you that I, as well as many other dancers, beginners and not... can use practice. I assure you that I take that to heart, by continuing to take classes and workshops whenever they fit my schedule. That continues to amount to dancing almost every night for the past two years.

2. I consider your teaching to me to have been very pivotal, and I know full well that you could continue to give me very useful pointers. I have a partner now, and we coordinate our classes, milongas, practicas etc. with our respective schedules. The fact that I have asked you to dance a couple of times, in NO way implies that I consider myself to be anywhere near your level (of course!). I simply wanted to experience what it would be like to actually "dance" with you and see if I might be able to make the dance pleasurable for you, even at my very modest level. The fact that you have obviously deemed it very unlikely is certainly your prerogative, and I respect it. It might be interesting for you to know that some dancers enjoy dancing with me more than dancing with Ted, but that's their prerogative as well (or lack of understanding). Perhaps I just had a hope for a smile and something like "... you improved a lot", but, don't worry, I won't ask you again for a very long time.

3. Speaking of Ted... have you noticed that he leads A LOT with his eyes closed? Watch him at your next opportunity. Dance etiquette (and I know I don't need to tell you this .. but) is that the leaders apologize with each other and each "assumes" the blame. So that's what I did, but I wasn't stepping back into the line of dance, and I was indeed taking very small steps. My partner was pivoting on one foot and I was rotating her around her axis counterclockwise. One cannot take big steps while doing that, and, as a couple, we had stopped our forward movement in the line of dance while she was pivoting. This was all quite ordinary... and Ted led you into me, probably because he had his eyes closed (again, watch him..)

If you want to tell me that you don't like how I dance and that I need a lot more classes, that would be entirely fair, but the "kicking" example is not a good one, I am sorry. Accidents happen, even among the most advanced dancers... and leaders do need to keep their eyes open, as it is their responsibility to keep enough distance from the couple in front.

...

Again, as I told you above, the intent of my email was only to help you make your
event more successful. Given the constraints you mention, I wish you the best of luck.

I hope we are still friends.

A tango hug,

I am still trying to figure out what is going on with Jenny and her reaction to me. I went to her usual Milonga since the email exchange. I toyed with the idea of wearing an orange safety vest while dancing... but decided instead to act as if nothing had happened. She did the same. No, I did not invite her to dance... and whenever she happened to be close by on the dance floor I made sure to put as much distance between us as possible...