The "dark side" of the cabaseo

It would seem that the cabaseo is the easiest way to ask for dancing while avoiding rejection or awkward half-hearted acceptance, but I have been growing increasingly uncomfortable with its effect on my feelings for some dancers I considered to be friends at some point.

The problem is that once a dancer has decided that you are not on their list of favorite partners, s/he will avoid making eye contact with you. That would not be a big deal for a few milongas, but when that lasts for months, one feels "shunned" and non-existent for some portions of the social scene.

I find myself contending with a range of feelings in this regard. For one thing I am not the same dancer I was a few months ago and in some (most) cases I have no idea what "went wrong". I realize that there are a lot of issues related to whether and why one clicks with a partner or not, but I would really love to have the opportunity to try again... at least once in a long while. So I find myself tired of my "non-existence" and increasingly angry at the "shunners". After months of looking their way only to see their gaze averted I have now decided to become the shunner and to make sure they realize I don't have the slightest intention to make eye contact with them. I don't like to play that game, but I am tired of feeling like I am "begging" for a glance and a nod.

I suspect it will all sort itself out with people knowing who their favorite and acceptable partners are. The problem is when one is in "transition" and would like to have an occasional chance to dance with new (or "newly new") more advanced partners... I guess one just needs to go up and ask ... and accept the likely rejection.